Marriage

Manu Bhagwan clearly defines the duties of a man and a woman engaged in a conjugal relationship, which is prescribed by the divine laws. Let's now see the rules of a marriage etc..

Na Daathva Kasya Chit Kanyaam Punardhya: Vichakshana:
Dathva Puna: Prayachanhi prapnothi purusho nrutham:

Desc: Having given away his daughter in a wedlock to a man, the father should never get his daughter re-married. It's a grave sin to do such illegal marriages, which are never authorized by the scriptures. Modern day women (of all varnas and religions) use the law of divorce for their convenience and try to remarry someone,of their interest. Such kind of acts are grave sins and the courts of law should never entertain such activities.  In a Vedic wedding the girl's father washes the groom's legs, feeds him Madhuparka and pleads the bridegroom to take care of his daughter for her lifetime. So under no circumstances the girl's father breech his agreement with the groom and in turn with the Scriptures and divine laws for financial or other selfish motives. Divorce and re-marriage are both not allowed (both for men and women) in the Vedic religion. 

Vidhivath Prathigrunabhi Tyajeth Kanyaam vigarhithaam
Vyaadhithaam Virpadushtaam Vaa Chagnaana Chopapaathithaam

Desc: In the sloka Manu Bhagwan declares the invalidity of fraudulent marriages  If the father of a girl, gives away a girl with inauspicious qualities and symptoms - like diseases  inauspicious body organs (like a hairy body, mustache  lack of feminine qualities, non-adherence to the divine scriptures etc.., a girl who had already had sex several times before marriage,etc.) ins 100% invalid. Such marriages, even if done in a methodical manner, could be dismissed. Modern day courts of law do not grant true justice , but int he divine court of Manu Bhagwan, only truth and loyalty would be honored. False accusations on the name of woman rights etc. would never be entertained.

Proshithe Dharma Kaaryaartham Prateekshyo ashtai: Nara Sama:
Vidyaartham Shad Yashortham Vaa Kamaartham Thrimsthy Vatsaraan:

Desc: Here Manu talks about the no. of years, a Dharma Pathni waits for a husband has traveled out of town. Modern women of the Vedic land, who apply for divorce within 3 months of marriage should be punished heavily and should be educated of our glorious Dharmas. If a husband travels to another country or town for the sake of Dharmic reasons, then the wife waits for 8 years. If he visits a foreign land for the sake of education she waits for her Lord for 6 years and if he visits another country for meeting / uniting another wife etc.. then she waits for 3 years. The most important thing to be noted here is that, a woman is tolerant and patient and waits before she decides to "run Away" or take exile in her parent's home for good. Even in that case, divorce hasn't been prescribed.

Samvathsaram Prateekshetha Dvipantheem Yoshitham Pathi:
Oordhvam Samvathsaraathvenaam Daayam Hyathva Na Sam Vaseth

Desc: Now Manu talks about the time period, as husband should wait for a woman. Usually women of those days were house wives and would be present with the husband allt he times. If they happen to be hostile and fighting and non-cooperative a husband has to give her several chances to improve and wait for one year. If that wife still  remains extremely combative and dis-obedient, then he can marry another wife for the sake of having kids and a harmonious life. But there must be enough justification for this - a man just cannot marry or remarry for time pass (like how a modern woman does today). So, truthfulness and honesty are expected by default by Manu Bhagwan. Men, who would take advantage of this rule to practice polygamy are doing nothing but reserving compartments in the train leading to Hell. But legitimate men, who have tried to be patient / co-operative with a woman for more than an year can happily remarry without any guilt. Even after re-marriage the first wife should be taken care of by the husband. (again divorce isn't an option here at all. )

Unmatham Pathitham Kleebam Abheejam Paaparoginam
Na Thyagosthi Dvishanthyaascha Na Cha Daya Parvathanam

A wife, who does not server or nurse or take care of a husband, who is kind of dumb, degraded, un-masculine, impotent man, who is suffering from a sinful disease - should be protected by the husband still. She cannot be abandoned on the grounds of dis-loyalty considering the conditions of the man. The woman can happily enjoy her life in her husband's home but must never go for a divorce or anything.

Madhyapaa Sadhuvrutha Cha Prathikoola Cha Yaa Bhaveth
Vyaadhithaa Vaadhivethavyaa Himsthraathagim Cha Sarvada

Desc:  The husband of a woman, who has become a drunkard, faithless, hostile,invalid, extremely hot tempered, uncontrollable, dis-obedient woman can remarry without any second thought. ( and protect the first wife if she wants to live with him ). Anyone of these qualities is enough to declare a woamn to be unfit for household. Extreme arrogance is a common quality which dis-qualifies a woman for household.

Bandhya: Ashtame Dhi VEdhya: Aabdhe Dashame Thu Mrutha Praja:
Ekadashe Sthree janani Sadhya: Thva Apriya Vaadini

Desc: A man may remarry another wife after 8 years if the woman is sterile, 10 years if all her kids die in infancy or in the womb, 11 years if she gives birth only to women and   immediately if she is harsh tongued. Living with a quarrelsome woman is like living with a snake. Such women should never be spared or given any consideration one can re-marry without any guild if a woman is quarrelsome. For all other cases, with the advancement of science , test-tube baby, artificial insemination etc.. re-marriage may not have to happen.

Yaa rogani Syaathu Hithaa Sampanna Chaiva Sheelitha:
Saa Anugna: Api Vethavya Naa Avamaanya Cha Kaarhichith

Desc: If  a wife, who is of very good conduct, noble qualities and is loyal, truthful to her husband falls sick, then that husband can remarry upon her request or permission. A husband must never hurt such a woman . If such a noble wife does not agree for re-marriage an man must not marry again. Manu Bhagwan out-beats all those shameless hypocrites, who claim to talk about equal rights for women. Such is the glory of Vedic religion. So, opportunistic men who would cheat their sick and fragile wives would be heavily punished by this law.

Adhii Vinna Thu Yaa Naree Nirgachad Drushitha Gruhaath
Sa Sadhya: Sannirodhyava Thyaagyaa Va Kula Sannidhou

Desc: In all the above cases, where lawful remarriage is allowed, the first or previous wife is supposed to be taken care by that husband. But if the first wife would leave the home out of anger (and harm herself) , the husband must keep her (locked) inside the home for her protection. If that lady isn't co-operative then, he should leave her to her father's home for good. That is for the protection of the woman.

Dharma Shastras

We all keep hearing about Manu Bhagavan's Dharma Shastras and it's significance in our day to day life. It forms the basis for the modern "Hindu" religion and the lifestyle of any common Indian. Not only the Hindus but also the Christians, Muslims, Jains and all others in the Vedic land follow Dharma Shastras directly or indirectly. The word Dharma could be interpreted as righteousness or religion or faith (based on the context). In this context it could be translated as righteousness. Manu Bhagavan clearly states the role of 4 different classes of men in the society and asserts the significance of various social rules.

The word Varna means color and the society has been divided into four different classes, based on their social responsibilities. This has nothing to do with the caste differences etc... as projected by the modern day politicians. Brahmins are supposed to pray for social welfare, conduct yagnas etc.., while Kshatriyas were strong warriors  bringing forth victory to a country. Vaishyas would increase the cash flow and make a kingdom wealthy by means of trade. Shudras who belong to 4th Varna would bring forth happiness or Suka to society by virtue of their manual labor and hard work. This is completely based on the division of social responsibilities and has nothing to do with dividing the society  based on personal discrimination. It is very obvious to us that, one single person can never carry out all the 4 diff  responsibilities simultaneously at the same time. Later on people belonging tot he same Varna would segregate themselves into castes and practice untouchability on others, to claim superiority and this has nothing to do with Dharma Shastras. So one Sudra or Brahman caste would treat other Sudra or Brahman caste as untouchable and attribute that to Shastras - that's completely unacceptable and Manu Bhagavan never mentioned anything like that. So Dharma Shastras  or religion cannot be blamed for all the caste based riots or untouchability.

Now let's take a peek at  various Shastras or rules related to Marriage and married life in Dharma Shastras. Dharma Shastras clearly declare how marriages should be conducted and what are the duties of a house-hold man or woman. While Manu Bhagavan imposes several restrictions on women he finally declares that women should be kept happy for a home to flourish. Manu Bhagavan's rules and regulations are pretty much practical and adaptable (considering the time when these were originated).

Pitha rakshathi koumaare Bhartha rakshathi youvane

rakshanthis thavire puthra: na: sthree swatantiyam arhathi:

Desc: Very beautiful verse describing the courtesy or duty of a man to protect women always.Women have an emotional dependency on men and love to be taken care of - how ever independent they are. So she is protected by her father in young age (Koumara or childhood), protected by her husband when she has attained age (Youvana) and protected by her son in her old age (after her husband passes away). Thus a women can never be independent of men. (Single women are not authorized by Shastras). Thus a girl's father takes care of all her needs while she's a kid - toys, food, cosmetics etc.. Scientifically 18 years of age is said to be a good age for women to get married. (But lot of men and women seem to have premarital affairs to appease their physical needs.) So, science can certainly determine the right age for marriage but cant prevent  folks from having premarital affairs. So adhering to scientific facts is always good as long as we could stick to the morals. So Shastras seem to say the age of 9-12 years as appropriate age of marriage for a woman. That is also based on the fact that, women didn't undergo formal education etc. in olden days and they get married soon to learn the household responsibilities. So after attainment of right age for marriage a father gets her daughter married to a qualified man of the same Varna (savarna), and that man who's her life partner would take care of all her bodily needs + financial needs. After the passage of her husband her sons would take care of her in her old age. That way women's right are protected all around.

Note: While there are certainly scientific reasons for a woman not to bear a child before she's 18, there's no guarantee from science or anyone that a girl stays pure and chaste until she is 18. HIV and other diseases are a result of immoral behaviors, which resulted in extra marital affairs. So application of scientific facts, without violating the moral values is very very important. Ideally a modern girl gets married when she is close to 33 and after 2 kids she decides to divorce her husband when she is 36 or 37, with a stubborn mind to be independent.
Instead of being stubborn on the vows, she had taken at the time of marriage (during ashmaarohanam) and stay committed tot he family and husband she decides to flee her husband for the replacement of another man or alimony of personal freedom or whatever.Such kinds of social taboos must be removed from the society for the establishment and progress of the Society and the Vedic culture. Freedom of women, equal rights etc.. are all good if it will not hurt the harmony and happiness of the family and the society eventually.

Kaale Datha Pitha Vachyo:  Vachya: Chaan Upayan Pathi:
Mruthe Barthari Puthra: Thu Vachye mathu: Arakshitha:

Desc: Here Manu Bhagavan goes a step ahead and condemns those men, who don't protect the women, whom they need to protect as a part of their duty. Condemnable is the father, who doesn't take care of his adolescent daughter, and so is the husband who doesn't love his wife and take care of her physical and financial needs. Condemnable is the son, who doesn't take care of his widowed mother.  In one form or the other, each an every man is expected to take care of women - daughter,wife, mother and sisters.

Pathi Bhaaryaam Sam PravishyaGarbho Boothveha Jaayathe
JaayayaK Thadhhi Jaayaathvam yadasyam Jaayathe Puna:

Desc: Here Manu Bhagavan beautifully describes the genetical science. The husband enters the body of his wife in the form of semen and takes birth in her womb. So wife is called as the Jaayaa or mother, as she is giving a rebirth to her husband in the form of his progeny. Here Bhagavan Manu describes wive(s) as Mother(s). Such is the glory of the Vedic religion. 

Paanam Durjana Samsargaa: Pathya: Cha Virahotanam
Swapno Anya Gehavaascha Naari Sandooshanaai Shad

Desc: Here Manu Bhagavan talks about the 6 reasons for the collapse or ruin of a wom and house hold:

1. Paanam - consumption of alcoholic beverages
2. Bad Friendship
3. Separation from her Husband
4. Living in the house of others
5. Idle Rambling
6. Sleeping in improper time

Alcohol consumption leads to adultery etc.. as we see in movies and other television stuff. So women would lose their consciousness leading to the loss of chastity so it's a "no do" for a virtuous woman. Next bad thing is bad friendship - 95% of the divorces happen, provoked by their friends etc.. who would persuade or encourage a woman to punish her husband. Being brain-washed by their friends, such women , would try to "cheat" their husband(s) without knowing the value of what they are losing in their lives. A girl is entitled to live in her parent's home or her husband's home. Living in any other places and physical separation from her husband (unless she has a virtuous father to advise and protect her), it would ruin the life of a woman for inevitable reasons. Walking and roaming or rambling in the streets without any reason, is another reason for the ruin of household women, as that would open the gate for such bad men to approach them etc.. and the final one is sleeping during the day etc.. Manu Bhagavan had foreseen the atrocities  which were going to happen in this Kali Yuga and had warned us well in advance. Women, being the heart of our culture and tradition have stringent regulations, so that the Vedic religion is preserved. Unfortunately the today's women  (not all of them) have fallen prey to these evil things, which have manifested themselves in the name of self respect, freedom etc.

Yaddh Gunena Bhartha Sthree Samyujyetha Yatha Vidhi:
TaadhGunaa Saa Bhavathi Samudreneva Nimagna:

Desc:  Like how a fresh water river becomes brackish or saline when it mingles with an ocean a woman's individual qualities mingle and become one with a man, after she lawfully marries her. So a wife acquires the qualities (whether good or bad) of the husband and they become one entity. Lawful wedding to a vadhu or a girl from sadkulam or good family is a bliss (while the wedlock with a girl from a family with bad or no values could be a night mare). Manu Bhagavan further explains this concept by quoting the examples of Aksha Maala and Vasishta. So, even a girl who is from a lower class acquires high virtues when she mingles with a noble man.

Apathyam Dharma Kaaryaani Shusroona Rathiruthama
Daatadeena: Tatha Swarga: Pithrronam Athmana: Cha Ha

Desc: Now Bhagavan Manu indicates the importance of wife in a man's life. A man can never dream of the following things in his life without a wife:

1. Having kids
2. Performance of the religious duties (like Agni hothram, Sraddham etc.)
3. Nursing or getting served
4. Extreme romance or love
5. Ascending of heaven by one and his ancestors

Here Bhagavan Manu literally states that, a man is kind of worthless of anything without the association of a woman. So, a rightful association with a girl or woman is the base for all the four objectives of life (Dharma,Artha,Kaama and Moksha). Women occupy such important place in our society in the protection of our culture and tradition and passing it over to the next generation. That's why there are kept under high protection by men. 

Pathim Vaa Nadhi Charathi Mano Vaag Deha Samyatha
Sa Barthrulokan Aapnothi Saasbhdi: Saadhvi: Ithi Uchyathe

Desc: Here Manu Bhagavan glorifies the greatness of virtuous women , who control their mind, senses etc. and stay loyal and truthful to their husbands. They get to live in eternal bliss with their respective husband(s) in the so called Barthru lokam or the world of celestial husbands. We have thousands of puranic stories, where virtuous women had great control of nature etc.

Vyabicharathu Barthu: Sthree Loke Prapnothi Nindyatham
Srugaala yonim Praapnothi Paapa Rogaischa Peedyathe

Desc: Such women, who cheat their husband(s) and flirt with other men is extremely Condemnable in this world. After they are dead, they get to take birth in the womb of a female jackal and gets afflicted with the diseases of sin. This also applies to the women  who cheat their husbands (not only by being with other men) and take undue advantage of the laws of separation, divorce etc.. All such women who cheat their husband(s) would be born as jackals in next birth(s) while they are christened as Pathitha or one, who has cheated her husband in this birth. As per the Vedic law(s), once a couple are married lawfully in the presence of Fire, there is nothing called as separation. A man may optionally remarry only if this wife cannot bear kids. That remarriage also is possible only after his current wife permits him to do so. Otherwise there is nothing called as divorce whether it be by mutual consent or whatever.

Thirukural

Thiru kural is a gorgeous work, written by the revered author, Thiru Valluvar. In this work, he talks about Dharma, Kama and Artha, which are the 3 out of four objectives if live. Thiru Mandiram , which was composed by Thiru Moolar is considered the one for the fourth objective or purushartha - which is salvation or Moksha. In this work Thiru Valluvar talks greatly about Dharma, which continua the essence of Dharma Shastras.Thiru Valluvar clearly states the stuff  from Dharma Shastras .

This post would be containing references  about the Dharmic aspects of married life (Grihasthashram), duties of a  house-holder, women , etc..


42 - துறந்தார்க்கும் துவ்வா தவர்க்கும் இறந்தார்க்கும்
இல்வாழ்வான் என்பான் துணை.

Desc: Here Thiruvalluvar clearly talks about the duties of a householder. A householder ideally supports the people from Sannyasa Ashram, Brahmacharya Ashram and the Pithru or the ancestors. The third one is called as Pithru Runa or the debt, of a house holder to his ancestors. A householder also needs to support or feed the Saints or Sanyasis (Sanyasis cant cook their own food or touch the fire as per Shastras). A householder also must feed or support the Brahmachaaris, who are in the Gurukula, as they cant cook their food too.


54 - பெண்ணின் பெருந்தக்க யாவுள கற்பென்னும்
திண்மைஉண் டாகப் பெறின்.


Desc: If a woman decides to be armed with chastity or the jewel of Pathivrathayam  she doesn't need any more decorations or ornaments. Here Thiruvalluvar clearly mentions that, if a woman is rich etc.. by cheating her husband, its very bad and worse than a loyal, truthful wife. 

55 - தெய்வம் தொழாஅள் கொழுநற் றொழுதெழுவாள்
பெய்யெனப் பெய்யும் மழை. 

Desc: This kural is the peak of Hindu or Indian culture. For women there are no special pujas etc..or religious duties. Her primary duty is to take care of the household and her husband. The word Pathivrutha is actually, much more than loyalty etc.. A true Pathivrutha takes, service to her husband as the primary ambition or goal of her life. She lives as truly two bodies and one Soul with her husband. Savithri (Satyavan's wife) is ideally associated with this Kural,a s she brought back er husband form the clutches of Yama. So did Kannaki- who brunt an entire city for punishing her husband (wrongly). Here Valluvar is stating the glories of a Pathivrutha - she has control over the nature and Pacha Bhootham. If a Pathivrutha  who worships her husband (and not the God), wishes or orders, the Rain God will immediately bless and pour his blessings as rain. So was the case with Nalayini  When she ordered the Sun, not to riase the until her husband was proven innocent, Sun God obeyed her order and it was dark until she approved it.Women are respected , protected, revered and even worshiped for such great virtues - and not for being independent and defeating their husbands in a legal combat etc. Unfortunately such virtuous women can only be found in myths there days.

56 - தற்காத்துத் தற்கொண்டாற் பேணித் தகைசான்ற
சொற்காத்துச் சோர்விலாள் பெண். 

Desc: A true lady or Pathivrutha, will protect or take care of herself , serve her husband and control her words. Controlling of words is a very mandatory skill for a woman in household. How ever talented or independent a  woman is, if she lacks any of those qualities , and esp. controlling her anger and words, she is certainly unfit to be called a woman. Women are the torch-bearers of our culture, and if they go uncontrolled and cant control their own words, that would lead to a social disaster.

121 - அடக்கம் அமரருள் உய்க்கும் அடங்காமை
ஆரிருள் உய்த்து விடும்.

Desc: This is another important kural, related to patience, tolerance and forbearance.  While this is applicable all humans, in the context of a family it is more applicable to women as they tend to be more emotional. Being tolerant to the elders in the home, kids and one's spouse is very important for a woman. Such virtuous women would be placed with celestial(s)  while the impatient ones would be reserved a permanent place in hell. This also is applicable for bodily pleasures etc..